Fine
by Tom Tomorrow
Summary: It's in the subtle things. The things that one would only notice if they were actively looking. And Maggie finally manages to pin down the emotion that's wearing down on her cobalt irises. Desperation. ... The one in which everyone deals with trauma differently.


**Author's Note: Slight AU, No Mon-el in this. And I am still continuing One More Step.**

It's in the subtle things.

The things that one would only notice if they were actively looking.

But she's a detective. She detects.

And this is Alex's sister. Her girlfriend's sister.

So, Maggie has been around her long enough to know the difference.

And she sees the difference… In the subtle things.

The blonde seems to retreat into herself more.

Not that she'd always been a completely open book.

Something she'd learned from Alex after falsely assuming Kara's ingenuousness behavior had originated from a perfect life of sunshine and rainbows.

But it's a fraction more apparent now.

Her eyes always seem to be half a shade darker than normal nowadays.

Like a curtain has been pulled down behind them.

Pushing a constant façade of inattentiveness.

As if she's here, but not present.

But nothing ever needs to be repeated.

And no one ever needs to ask her twice.

Still. Its presence is painful. Its presence is constant.

Until Kara's practically holding the title of functioning absentee amongst other things.

The blonde is always crossing her arms now too.

Constantly and resolutely folding them in faux outward intimidation.

Standing tall as if she has something to prove.

But her fingers, whether its reflexively or not, pick at the edges.

Rubbing, sweeping consistent small little circles against the blue material of the super suit, the threads of her sweaters, her bare arm.

It doesn't matter, but it's without fail.

Evident in every conversation the detective has had with the Kryptonion since it happened.

But the most telling thing of all is her laugh. Rather her lack of it.

She doesn't laugh as much as she used too.

She talks, sure.

Talks circles around the rest of them, to the point in which it feels like the blonde is just trying to fill silence.

Talks about everything, except for what happened.

Flashes the megawatt smile as much as ever.

Though the smile hardly ever shows true joy.

But she doesn't laugh. Not nearly as much.

And when she does, it never meets her eyes.

Maggie has always been in the peripheral when it came to DEO matters.

So the detective wasn't there when the blonde was rescued.

But she receives the phone call midway through the interrogation of another suspect.

And she could feel how hard it was going to be then.

Kara had been missing for three weeks at that point.

In the current present, it has only been a little over one since she'd been rescued.

And she sees it in the subtle things.

… … …

The detective is forced from the peripheral, four days into the second week.

When Kara shatters the bones in a complete stranger's left arm.

And because the blonde did it as Kara Danvers and not as Supergirl, she's arrested by a security guard over the matter under charges of presumed assault.

Most of the officers in her unit know who Kara is in relation to the detective, if not as her girlfriend's younger sister, then as the bubbly blond who brings in bagels twice a week.

So, the officers who are called to scene find it ridiculous that lively, spritely Kara Danvers would have enough power to fracture a grown man's arm in several places.

Maggie knows better.

Still there are procedures that they must follow.

But Officer Davis and Matthews are all too happy to hand off the case when the blonde is brought into the station.

And because they are ninety five percent sure the victim won't be pressing charges it's won't be considered a conflict of interest; and the case is handed off to her.

The interrogation door clicks softly behind Maggie.

She's so small. And it's a ridiculous word to describe the statuesque stunner.

But there she is, hunched over the metal table, eyes everted, hands clad in metal cuffs they both know she can easily break out of.

Miserable doesn't even begin to describe the look on her face.

"Hey Little Danvers."

Kara doesn't even twitch.

"The good news is that the gentleman out front isn't pressing charges. He'll be leaving with a wounded ego and a cast, but he'll be fine."

The detective explains sliding into the chair across from her.

And now that she's sees closer, she notices the taller woman isn't really sitting rigid.

She's fidgeting.

Grinding her teeth.

Rubbing self-soothing circles on the edge of her elbow.

And there's a look in her eyes.

Something that the detective can't quite place.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?"

Her voice takes on a softer tone.

Indicative of... not pity, never pity, but instead acknowledgment.

Something she hopes is comforting to the young Kryptonian.

Even when she receives nothing but nervous silence in response.

"Kara…"

Maggie leans forward, softly drums her fingers against the table.

Close enough for Kara to register the detective's presence, but not enough to spook her.

Urging the younger woman to meet her eyes.

"It was an accident."

The blonde whispers. Fragile and meek.

Focusing hard on some spot on the floor.

Maggie hums her acknowledgement as she waits for her to continue.

"It was an accident. He surprised me."

Even quieter than the first time.

And if possible the younger Danvers sister sinks further in her chair.

The brunette swallows hard as she puts the pieces together.

Reaches to comfort her, but Kara flinches violently away.

The detective's had enough experience in the police force to know how trauma effected people differently.

So she switches gears.

"You didn't take your phone call… Do you want me to call Alex?"

"No!"

The metal of the table groans loudly under the sudden pressure of Kara's super strength.

Maggie leans away, surprised at the vehemence in her friend's raised voice.

"I meant- no. Don't call her. Just… Don't. I'm fine."

The blonde repeats again.

Softer this time, tears in her eyes and her voice, as she releases the table.

Deformed finger imprints are left behind and Maggie knows that it's going to be difficult explaining that away.

"Okay, okay, we don't have to call Alex."

The detective placates softly, but she can't quite let it go.

Because even when the scars are gone, she can still see the hurt in Kara's eyes.

The subtle pain barely visible from behind the carefully fortified wall in her mind.

So she knows she's not fine.

"I'm not going to push you to do anything, okay?"

Because of what little she does understand about the younger girl's abduction is that choice wasn't really a factor.

And Kara's hands are trembling in her cuffs as she nods.

"But I want you to know that it's okay… to not be fine."

Defensiveness shoots to the forefront of Kara's demeanor.

But every word the blonde says next to combat the detective's words ring hollow.

Full of agitation and wariness. Tinged with defeat.

"Stop- You need to stop- just… I'm going to be fine. I'm fine. I have to be."

She blinks. Tries to digest Kara's muttered words.

And Maggie finally pins down the emotion that's wearing down on her cobalt irises.

Desperation.

"Hey… hey, listen to me."

She waits until the taller Danvers sister appears to be paying attention.

"You don't… You don't need to this alone. Alex is here for you… we're here for you."

And Kara nods tearfully.

But she's looking away again.

Refusing to meet her eyes.

"Can I leave?"

No charges are being held against her. There really isn't a reason for her to stay.

Still Maggie is hesitant in letting her go in this state.

"Kara…"

But eventually, the detective reaches for the keys to the handcuffs.

And doesn't push the point.

Because it's clear Kara's shutting her out.

And the blonde is just as stubborn as her sister.

The metal key ring makes a strident jingle as she removes it from her belt loop.

Maggie doesn't miss the way Kara goes rigid.

How her nails dig into her palms.

How she moves back.

It breaks her heart.

"They're just the keys. The keys…"

And the detective holds them out clearly for the blonde to see.

Fear flushes to embarrassment then morphs into a sheepish, watery smile.

As if that would hide the fact that she just cringed away from a ring of little metal keys.

And Kara is doing everything she can do to avoid her eyes as the detective unlocks the cuffs.

Standing suddenly and sharply as soon as the metal falls from her wrists.

"Kara."

The detective calls as the younger Danvers moves away.

And the blonde pauses her hasty exit.

"We're always going to be here for you."

Kara gives a jerky half-nod.

And she's gone.

…. …. ….

"She's not sleeping, Maggie."

Alex is saying as she reaches into the detective's refrigerator later that night.

"She walked into the DEO this afternoon and she was practically dead on her feet. But when I confronted her, she said she was fine."

Maggie nods up from the spaghetti cooking on the stove.

"I saw her at the precinct this morning, she told me the same thing."

She murmurs, continuing to stir.

The detective hears Alex pause her movements and can practically feel her confusion.

"At the precinct? But it's Friday."

Kara comes by the station every Tuesday and Thursday with bagels from the little café on the corner of 25th and Woodruff.

At first it was by Alex's insistence.

A way for the sister and the girlfriend to get to know each other better.

Though the taller brunette's cover story had been something along the lines of Maggie skipping breakfast too much.

For quite a while now though, it had become habit.

But they had both been surprised when Kara had showed up only two days after being rescued, bagels in hand.

Then every time after that.

Like clockwork.

Saying everything was fine.

Just going through the motions.

"She wasn't there with bagels, Alex. She was brought in."

The refrigerator door slams shut.

"For what?"

The elder Danvers tone is carefully restrained and Maggie can tell she's already assuming the worst.

The detective stops stirring dinner.

"She… broke someone's arm. A security guard saw, assumed assault. He didn't press charges and her cover wasn't blown, but…"'

And the detective finds herself explaining the entirety of the morning's events to her girlfriend in full.

And there are tears in Alex's eyes when she finishes.

"God, I don't know what to do. I don't- She's not fine, Maggie. You see it, I see it, J'onn sees it. But she can't and neither does anyone else."

Therein lies Maggie's, and she suspects Alex's, problem with a large portion of the DEO.

The sun lamps take all the physical signs away.

Leave no scars, no blemishes, no bruises or marks.

And most of the employees of the DEO capitalize on that.

View Kara as a windup toy that needs to be reset periodically.

They forget that sun doesn't take hurt away. It doesn't rid emotional pain.

Forget that she isn't a one-tune, one-dimensional hero.

That she isn't infallible.

That kryptonite isn't the only thing that can cripple her.

But Kara has always been eager to please.

Has always strived to meet their perceptions of her.

Has always tried to fulfill every assumption of what she should be.

Jumping to every challenge put in front of her.

It was what had gotten her into that mess in the first place.

"She won't talk to me. I'm her sister and she won't talk to me, Mags."

Alex is sitting on the edge of the table now, melancholy laced frustration seeping through her words.

"I don't know what to do..."

The DEO agent whispers.

Her stance and her tone echoes what Kara's had exuded earlier.

And it hurts to see her girlfriend this way.

Crinkling her brow, Maggie averts her glance back towards the bubbly tomato sauce.

"I think…

She trails off, trying to phrase her advice in a way that doesn't sound like she's overreaching.

"I think you need to wait for her to come to you… Instead of going to her."

The reaction she gets from Alex is one the detective expected.

"And what if she doesn't Maggie? She's throwing herself into work! Am I supposed to wait until she crashes until a building? Until she collapses in a fight. God forbid one of them has kryptonite. She has a bounty on her!"

Maggie sets the spoon down, turns back to face her.

"I'm just saying, that you two are more alike than you realize."

Stubbornness runs in the Danvers family.

She figured that out fast.

"We are not the same."

Alex protests.

"Alex, what did you want to do the…. The day after you were rescued?"

There's a stony silence.

And Maggie feels horrible for digging up old demons, but she needs to nail down the comparison.

Because when Alex was taken for those painful, excruciating thirty-six hours, she'd insisted on going to work the next day.

Insisted.

"I… I wanted to go back to work."

And the only thing that stopped her was J'onn.

J'onn and his instance on following DEO regulations.

Which meant the five days of mandated therapy that was required by all employees who went through the loose umbrella term of traumatic circumstances.

Kara hadn't gone through that. Despite insistence from all parties.

Because technically she isn't an employee of the DEO. She doesn't get paid.

Instead, she's a freelance liaison of sorts.

Something Kara had pointed out very clearly in a flurry of anger when she grew defensive then annoyed then furious at the attempts to get her to talk to someone.

"And when he said no, you said you were…"

Alex looks away from her.

Sightline shifting towards the ground.

"Fine."

She murmurs softly.

"But I had you… She has no one."

Maggie rests her hands on Alex's shoulders, implores her to meet her eyes.

"She still has you, Alex. She has all of us. We're not going anywhere."

Alex hums.

"I just want her to realize that."

… … … … ….

It takes three more nights.

For Kara to reach her breaking point.

For the mask to fall.

For subtle to become obvious.

Maggie wakes up at quarter past three to an empty bed and the tail-end of a beginning conversation.

"-sorry. I-I didn't know you were with Maggie, I can leave."

Comes a muffled voice through the adjacent wall.

Kara.

Strained and heavy with exhaustion and anguish.

"It's fine, Kara."

Alex is using that special tone.

The soft one reserved for Kara whenever she's hurt. Whenever she's scared.

And that's clearly the case right now.

"No… no, if she's asleep. I don't wanna… I don't wanna wake her up."

Kara is clearly trying to back pedal, using the assumption of 'sleep' as a scape goat.

And the detective wants to go out there and say it doesn't matter, that she's already awake.

But this is a conversation that Alex needs to have with her sister.

Alone.

"Hey… Hey, look at me Kar. Look at me. It's okay."

"No… She's gonna be mad."

"Kara it is ok. No one is angry. No one is going to be disappointed. Now can you tell me what's wrong?"

There's a pause, then a shaky muffled response.

One that she can't hear through the walls.

One that Alex seemingly doesn't understand either because she's asking Kara to repeat herself.

"I can't… I can't sleep Alex. I can't."

And she's finally admitting it, what they both knew all along.

"I still dream about it. What it looked like. And what it felt like. And what he- what he- what they… I'm supposed to be better, Alex. I'm supposed to be better, but I only feel worse."

There's an audible hitch in Kara's voice, and she can't even get through an explanation without her voice cracking.

"Kara… You know the sun lamps… You know they only take away physical pain."

Alex explains softly.

"They shouldn't… They shouldn't… You need to fix them Alex. You need to make it so, so that I can't feel the… the.. not physical part. You can do that right?"

And the blonde is begging. Begging for an easy way out of all the pain.

Because if breaking is hard, the recovery is worse.

It's after the emergency procedures, the drugs, the sun lamps.

It's when the doctors come in, meaning well with their clipboards and looks of consternation.

It's almost always the emotional gouging that that the trauma put one through, never the trauma itself.

"I'm sorry Kara, that's not how it works…"

There's another flurry of movement.

And Maggie has to listen hard to recognize the sound of footsteps.

To realize that Kara's pacing.

Back and forth. Back and forth.

"I… I don't… I don't understand."

"Understand what Kara?"

The pacing stops.

And the question that comes next is louder than then rest.

And borderline accusatory.

"How are you fine?"

"What?"

"How are you fine? You were gone... you were gone for thirty-six hours and you almost… almost drowned and y-you almost d-died. And you're fine!"

Kara's stuttering, accusing, desperation and devastation pouring visibly in her words.

"Kara…"

"M-Maggie gets shot and J'onn gets attacked by White Martians and you almost drown. And you all.. you all walk away like it's- like it's nothing!"

"Kara..."

"And I've done everything—everything I could think of and I just can't...I just can't… How are you fine?"

"Kara… I'm not fine."

"B-but… but…"

"I'm not fine Kara! I don't take baths anymore because the rising water reminds me of the tank he kept me in. And Maggie, she locks her gun up every night because the barrel of the new one reminds her too much of the one that shot her. And J'onn…. J'onn won't even keep matches in his house. None of us are fine Kara."

"I-I'm sorry."

Kara's voice audibly quivers, and Maggie can practically see how the blonde's brows will draw closer together, how the edges of her mouth will jerk down in a painful grimace, how she'll avert her eyes to the side.

"I'm not...I'm not trying to…"

But Alex is beating her to the punch.

"You were kidnapped Kara. By Cadmus. And they hurt you. And they did things to you. Horrible things. Things that should never be done to anyone."

And Maggie can tell Kara is making every effort in trying to stop crying, but the terrible, pained sounds are being wringed out of her.

"You don't need to be a hero. You don't need to be strong. You don't need to be alone."

There's a pause.

"You don't need to be fine."


End file.
